Meeting the Birthmom & Tummy

Hello,
Friday (12/17) Mike and I went to Sarah's office (adoption director) to meet our birthmom, Charmaine.  Boy, I was nervous and excited.  I couldn't think straight and at times I felt I was literally beside myself.  But only about 15 minutes into the 3 hour meeting I began to regain my composure.  Sarah asked us all questions then we would take turns answering them.  Here are some of the questions:

• Tell me about your upbringing?
• What brought you to this place (adoption)?
• What is your faith like?
• What is your biggest fear?
• Are you certain about your decision about adoption (Charmaine)?
• What do you see the open adoption relationship like after the adoption papers have been signed?

There were a number of other questions, but this should be enough to give you an idea of what we spoke about.  After the meeting, Sarah told all 3 of us to go home, think about it, sleep on it and call her in the morning to let her know our decisions.  Then Sarah spoke one-on-one with Charmaine while we waited in the lobby.  After they met for about 10 minutes, Charmaine and Sarah came out and Charmaine told us that she is certain that we are the parents she wants for her baby.  Do I have to tell you how happy we were and are?  Let me tell you, I am so very thankful to God right now, because He had a plan for us and not only is He placing this baby in our hands, but also placing Charmaine in our lives.  God is good and we are so blessed.

Now, let me tell you all about Charmaine.  She is smart, sweet and has the kindest eyes I've ever seen.  I know this was a difficult decision for her, to say the least, but because she has made this decision it is obvious that she is unselfish, loves her baby more than herself and sees the big picture in life.  Charmaine is 6'1" (Mike LOVES that she is tall), blond hair, hazel eyes (they looked hazel to me), 27 years old and Caucasian.  The birthfather, Israel, is about 5'9", brown hair, brown eyes, 25 years old and Mexican.  We may not ever meet him, but we are good with that knowledge.  We look forward to a long relationship with Charmaine and can see a bright future for her, our baby and us.

We are going to try and get together this coming week with Charmaine and possibly meet her sons and mom.  But we definitely will see her on Dec. 29th.  She has warmly invited us to her last sonogram appointment.  Her doing that and bringing us the sonogram pictures shows us how kind and thoughtful she is. 

I could go on and on all day, but I'll stop...for now.  I will post more soon.

Love,
Brenda

Huge Blessing

Well, it's 3:50 a.m. and it's impossible for me to sleep right now.  Sarah called us from the adoption center yesterday afternoon and told us that a birthmom has chosen us!!  At one point she put me on hold and I was dancing around the kitchen like a crazy person.  It was all I had to contain myself when she came back on the phone.  I was consumed by happiness that I began crying in bed at about 3:45 this morning and had to get out of bed.

Here is some information we can share:

• She is due with a boy on 1/11/11 and will be having a c-section.
• The birthmom is 27 yrs old.
• She is married to the birthfather, but they're in the process of a divorce.
• The birthmother is caucasion and birthfather is Hispanic.
• She is set on adoption for her baby.
• The birthfather was difficult to track down, but Sarah spoke with him and he is not committing one way or another about agreeing to the adoption.
• To us, this means that we will go forward with the adoption and pray that the birthfather will either sign the adoption papers after the baby is born or sign off his parental rights. 
• If he signs the adoption papers then he'll have 30 days, like the birthmother, to change his mind after we bring the baby home from the hospital.
• If he doesn't sign any papers and doesn't ask for the baby, then we take the baby home and the birthfather has 6 months to change his mind and ask for the baby.  If he doesn't take action within the 6 months, then it's considered abandonment and the baby boy will be ours forever.

This is a big risk for Mike and I, but we know it's in God's hands.  I have decided to look forward and allow myself all the excitement that I want and give God all my thanks and praise.  But know that God may allow this birthfather or birthmother their baby back (within the window above).  So, if all that time lapses without either of them requesting the baby back, then we'll have to throw a big celebration!! 

We are meeting the birthmother today at 1:30.  I'm so excited to meet her and learn more about her, her family and the birthfather. 

I also want to mention that we will be learning A LOT of information about the birthfamilies, but most of the information is for us to know, but not for us to share.  So, please excuse me if we don't divulge very much information about the birthfamilies 

Okay, I might as well get some work done.  Thank you for allowing me to share this information with you.

Big hug and lots of love,
Brenda

Ready & Waiting

Hello Everyone,
We went to our Support Group last Thursday and there were 3 new babies just adopted within the past month.  The proud new adoptive parents brought their new babies in and they were all so adorable.  One was only 5 days old!!  It was bitter-sweet.  I was a little green with envy, but also very happy that these couples were chosen to be parents.  The new parents had a tired glow about them.  Sometimes I forget that just because we're not having a child biologically, that we won't have to go through getting up multiple times a night for feedings and diaper changes.  I have to jolt myself back into reality now so it won't be such a shock to my brain later.

Here are the 2 pictures we used in our Dear Birthmother letter:

We've been asked by Sarah, the Adoption Center's director, to network and get the word out that we're looking to adopt.  So, please feel free to speak about our situation to anyone you know.  If you come across someone you may know or someone who knows someone, let me know and I'll get you one of our letters.

Christmas is almost upon us and I'm looking forward it it.  This is my favorite season.

I hope to have new information to share with all of you soon.

Love,
Brenda

And we're off...

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Mike and I went to my mom's house for a great day with loving family and an awesome turkey dinner.  My mouth is still watering when I think about it.  I think the holiday celebrations should be like they were in Jesus' day where they lasted for days.  Eat, gather with family and friends, eat, sleep and repeat.

Sarah came to our home on Monday to finalize our Dear Birthmother letter and choose a picture of Mike & I for our letter.  She also helped us choose a color and texture of paper for the letter.  So, I set out on Tuesday to get the exact paper Sarah recommended and had the pictures printed.  Then at home I printed out the letters, trimmed the pictures and put them all together.  We had to make 20 copies of our letter and 20 copies of our personal questionnaire.  Our letter includes a small picture of Dino and a larger picture of Mike & I.  I delivered these to Sarah on Wednesday.  This all means that we are now being considered by the birthmoms that Sarah meets with. 

Now we wait.

In the meantime we will continue to go to the support groups, which are the 1st Thursday of every month.

Rescheduled

Our meeting with Sarah has been postponed until next Monday because Sarah's mother-in-law passed away.

I was just in Nebraska visiting my best friend Diana.  She is good friends with her neighbors, Paul & Ronda, and she wanted to introduce me to them.  While we were there, Rhonda's mom was visiting too.  (I'm getting to a point, please stay with me.)  Rhonda's mom asked if we had any children and I told her we are in the process of adopting.  Then she shared with me that her best friend's teenage, granddaughter is pregnant and is going gift her baby to an adoptive family.  I shared that I was interested in finding out if she has been matched with a family yet and if not, then would she consider Mike & I as potential adoptive parents.  So the question has been asked and now we wait to hear back.  I'm hopeful.

Love,
Brenda

Reschedule

Hello all,
Sarah had to deal with a crisis with one of the birthmoms on Wednesday, so she was not able to come to our home.  Our meeting has been rescheduled for this Tuesday.  More to come. :)
Love,
Brenda

Our 1st Support Group

Last night Mike and I went to our 1st Support Group.  Adoption Center of San Diego offers a support group for all adoptive parents before and after a child is adopted the 1st Thursday of every month.  These sessions give Sarah, the director, a chance to give everyone updates as to how many birthmothers she's meeting with, what couples have been matched with their birthmothers, events coming up, places where she has spoken (crisis pregnancy centers, schools, etc.) and any other updates Sarah might have.  During these 2 hours, everyone gets a chance to express any feelings they want to share, such as: frustration, sadness, anxiety, being overwhelmed, anger, etc.  Sarah asks a lot of probing questions, gives us a lot examples of different situations and helps us to understand that there is no textbook adoption.  All the support group sessions, workshops and meetings with Sarah have made us realize 2 very important things. 
#1-Be ready for change and the unexpected.  When a birthmother chooses us, she can later change her mind before the adoption (or up to 30 days after the adoption).
#2-Be giving of ourselves.  When a birthmother chooses us, communication is key and we need to be open to her and insightful.  During the pregnancy if she needs maternity clothes, more cell phone minutes, etc, then we need to help out financially (to a point).  After the pregnancy, we will need to be flexible and supportive so she can spend some time with the baby/child.

These meetings are helping us to be better prepared spiritually, mentally and emotionally.  Who knew adoption would be as involved as this.  Mike and I initially thought that we'd sign up at an adoption agency, fill out the required papers, sit on a waiting list and when we get chosen take the baby home and then live happily ever after.  But it is so much more involved as I mentioned before.  BUT I have no complaints or regrets about how we've decided to adopt.  If we went to the county it would have been much simpler; however, open adoption is so much more fulfilling for the triangle of people involved...birthparents, child and adoptive parents.  We are continued to be blessed by God throughout this process and He has given me TONS more patients then I could have ever dreamed about.

Lastly, Sarah will be coming to our home next Wednesday to finalize our Dear Birthmother letter and choose a picture for our letter.  Once it is completed I will put it on the blog for all to see.
God bless all of you and thank you for being interested in our adventure.

Love,
Brenda

3rd Draft and more

I hope everyone had a nice and safe Halloween.  Late last week we send over the 3rd draft of our Dear Birthmother letter to Sarah.  I believe the writing part is finalized.  Now we need a picture of Mike & I for the letter to complete it.  Our good friend Stephanie is helping us out by coming over later today to take pictures of us.  She takes beautiful photographs and I'm really excited to see how they turn out.

On Saturday we went to 1 of the 2 workshops that the Adoption Center of San Diego offers.  (The next one is later this month.)  The workshop was created to help adoptive parents understand the perspective of the birthmothers and to offer support on how to better have a relationship with our future adopted baby's birthmother.  It was 4 1/2 hours and very beneficial.

We begin our Support Group this Thursday.  It is offered the 1st Thursday of each month and it is for all adoptive parents, before and after adopting a baby.  I'll share more after we've attending the session.

If anyone has any questions or concerns about anything I'm sharing or have shared, PLEASE ask me or talk to me.  This was very foreign and unnerving to us early on, but as we take this journey it has been enlightening, comforting and reassuring that we've made the right decision to adopt and committed to the right adoption center.

Lastly, I want to share with you that an opportunity to adopt a baby that was due on December 15th arose early last week.  Mike was cautiously happy and I was cautiously ecstatic.  This opportunity came from a family member's friend's family member (I hope I didn't loose anyone on that one).  However, this person wanted a very closed and private adoption and I think she chose to go with her adoption center because we had a link to her family that she didn't want.  It was disheartening at first, however, that baby was not in God's plan for us.  But for all of your knowledge, if we come across someone who wants to gift their baby into adoption, then we are able to run that adoption through our adoption center.

Love & hugs,
Brenda

2nd Draft

Hello,
In celebration of Fall (my favorite season), I'm typing in orange.

Sarah emailed us last night her recommended changes to our Dear Birthmother letter.  Today we made the changes and emailed it back.  Round 2...DONE.  I'm not sure how many drafts we'll go through, but we anticipate it to take 4-6 weeks before we complete the final draft.  In the meantime we'll be working on taking some pictures for the letter. 

Hugs,
Brenda

Letter

Hello,
Mike and I just emailed the first draft of our Dear Birthmother letter to Sarah.  It was more difficult than we both thought to put on paper our lives, feeling and anticipation of bringing a new baby into our lives.  Now we're drained and will be out of commission for the next few days.  :)  I'm kidding.  I'll let you know when Sarah responds with her comments and recommendations on our letter.  Until then, we wait.
Love,
Brenda

TREEEEEEE

Good moring and happy church day!
Susan Reeg, a lady I used to work with at my last job, came over yesterday to paint a tree on our nursery wall.  I even go in there and helped...with a lot of her guidance, of course.  So, without further ado, here are a few pictures of the progression:

Below is a bookshelf/shoe rack that I had purchased, sanded and repainted.

Have a great day!!!

Hugs,
Brenda

Meeting

Hi!
We had another meeting with Sarah yesterday.  We gave her our signed contract and the 1st half of our adoption fee.  Sarah gave us a binder that included:  forms we need to sign, information about their Facebook page, information about their counseling and support program, a checklist of items to be completed for our next meetings, recommendations on how to write our birthmother letter and some sample birthmother letters.  The forms that we have to complete are:
* Employment verification
* Confirmation of personal knowledge (if other children, previous marriages, health conditions, etc.)
* Liability release of the Adoption Center
* Release of promotional material
* Preference form (in regard to a child)
* Adoptive parents information (financial, SS#, DL#, etc)

We will begin writing our birthmother letter right away.  Once we complete the draft, we'll email it to Sarah and she'll make change recommendations.  Then we'll go back and forth until it's completed and ready for birthmothers' eyes.  We also have to take a handful of pictures for Sarah to choose for the letter.

Once the birthmother letter is finalizes, our pictures are in-hand and our forms are signed, then Sarah will come to our house for the next meeting. 

I'll post again soon.

Love,
Brenda

Next Appointment

Dear loved ones,
We have our next appointment set up with Sarah Jensen at the Adoption Center in 1 week.  It's on Wednesday, October 13th.  We will be spending about an hour and a half with her to give her our signed contract, pay 1/2 our adoption fee and the length of time will be reviewing sample Dear Birth Mom letters.  Our next assignment will be to write our own Dear Birth Mom letter.  Sarah will be helping us along the way, so I feel confident that we'll have a good outcome. 

I changed my mind on a piece of furniture in the nursery.  I'm using the changing table that went with the crib instead of the antique piece we purchased.  I sanded and painted it last Saturday and am happy with the outcome.  I'll post a picture next time.

I've been a little down with a cold since Sunday, so I've been feeling a little lazy.  I'm sure I'll be on the up-and-up very soon.

Love,
Brenda

More...Meeting & Crib

Good morning.  Over the weekend mom came down to paint the crib and put it together.  We spent 1 whole, extremely hot day painting the crib.  We primered the crib, then painted it a milk chocolate brown (2 coats) and lastly painted it white (3 coats).  The next day we put it together and sanded down some of the edges to show the brown through the white.  Here are a couple pictures:

It was hard work, but we completed it.  Thank you mom!!

Mike and I met with Sarah Jensen from the Adoption Center yesterday for a couple hours.  The meeting was for Sarah to get to know us better, learn about our family pasts, how we met, and learn more about our relationship.  She gave us a contract to take home, review and sign.  This morning I'll be calling in to make our next appointment to return the signed contract, pay 1/2 our adoption fee, and have a special education session covering:  a) understanding the details of independent, open adoption and b) preparing the "Dear Birthmother Letter" for potential birthmothers.  Sarah also gave us a book called, "The Open Adoption Experience" by Lois Ruskai Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia.  We're going to read it together.

I want to close with this loving scripture from Romans 8:28. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

XOXO

Meeting & Crib

Hello All,
I'm sorry for not updating the blog recently.  Things have been pretty quiet recently and Mike & I just returned from vacation.  Here is a picture of us in Park City, UT.  (We did a lot of hiking.) :)

While on vacation we received a call to schedule our next appointment at the Adoption Center.  So, we go in on Tuesday, September 28th to meet with the director for 2 hours.  This will be our first in-depth and one-on-one meeting for the adoption.  I'll fill you all in on that meeting next week.

In the meantime, Mike and I sanded down a crib that we had purchased.  This is the crib sanded and in pieces.

Mom is coming this weekend to paint the crib with me.  We're going to paint it a chocolate brown and then antique white over the brown.  Then in certain areas we'll sand the white to show the brown to make it look shabby chic.  When it is all put together I'll post a couple pictures.

A friend was going to come this Saturday to paint the tree on the nursery wall, but she is not able to come until mid-October. 

Things seem to be moving along at a comfortable speed.  I will try to post more often.

Love,
Brenda

Not-So-Update

Hi All,
I spoke with the Adoption Center today and they just received our last reference letter earlier this week.  They will be reviewing the letters and calling us early next week to make an appointment.  Not much else to report at this time.  :)
Love,
Brenda

Nursery

Good morning!
We had the nursery painted last week and it looks great.  Here are a few pictures of the walls and the antique pieces of furnature.

This is the wall we're going to have a white tree painted.

This will be the changing table

Here is the dresser

I will be polishing the dresser and changing table soon.  They need just a little bit of love.

All the referral letters have been sent in, so the next step is for the Adoption Center to call us to make an appointment for our Pre-Adoption Session.  I'm waiting by the phone.  :)

Have a wonderful day!

Love,

Brenda

Referral Letters and More

A few small updates for you today. 

The Adoption Center sent us the referral letters to forward out to 1 family member and 2 non-family members.  We chose Grandpa & Grandma Bock, Carlos & Nora (Carlos used to be a co-worker of ours and now their whole family is next to family to us) and Darryl & Denise (our wonderful neighbors).  Once those letters are returned to the Adoption Center, then our next step is the Pre-Adoption and Application Sessions.  That will consist of a 2-hour session with the director and a separate session with a counselor.

Mike and I purchased a couple furniture pieces at a local antique shop for the nursery.  I just love them.  The tall one is the dresser and the shorter, longer piece (bad picture because it's stuffed in our garage for now) will be the changing table.  Once we begin putting the room together, then I'll polish them up and change out the hardware on one of them.

One of Mike's soccer friends does painting and work has been slow for him, so Mike hired him  topaint the nursery tomorrow.  I'm really excited.  Here is a picture of how the room looks now and a picture of the color the room will be painted (green).

We're enjoying this process so far and I'm so glad we get to share it with all of you.  :)

Love,

Brenda

Correction

Since my last posting I found out new information.  I thought our next is the application processing and readiness session, but I stand corrected.  The next step is for us to send out referral letters to have completed by some close family and friends for the Adoption Center to review.  Once Sarah at the Adoption Center receives and reviews all of the letters, then Mike and I go in for the application processing and readiness session.  I should be receiving the letters to send out this weekend.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Brenda

Orientation

I would have blogged sooner, but I've been glued to the couch being sick.  Feeling better, but this cough is going to be tough to kick.

Our orientation was Tuesday night and it was beneficial.  We met 5 other nice couples looking into adoption also and the director of the Adoption Center of San Diego, Sarah Jensen.  She has worked in adoption for numerous years and has a lot of great knowledge.  We did have to leave a little early because I was feeling terrible.  But here is some information we learned:

** Birthmothers don't see their baby as a gift, they see the adopting parents as the gift.  Also, they don't GIVE UP their baby for adoption...they PLACE their baby in a home of their choice.

* The average age of birthmothers that come into the Adoption Center are 18-25 years; however, they've had 1 mother as young as 13 and 1 as old as 44 years.

* Birthmothers and birthfathers (presumed, not alleged) have 30 days once they sign the adoption papers to change their mind.  But Sarah Jensen said that it's rare that happens.  Typically, if a birth parent is going to change their mind, then it will be before the baby is born.

* Information that we'll be provided when a birthmother chooses us: medical history of birthmother (Adoption Center gets a medical release from the birthmother), birthfather (if known), medical history of the family, drug and/or alcohol history, hobbies, school, personality traits, information on birthgrandparents, etc.  It's about 10 pages of information.

* Once a birthmother chooses us, then we begin to build a relationship with her and her family.  We do this by:  spending quality time with them, invite her/them to our family gatherings, go to prenatal appointments and have open phone conversations.

Next up!
We filled out a questionnaire that is reviewed by the Adoption Center to find out if we are good canidates.  If we are, then our next step is the Application Processing & Adoption Readiness Sessions.  Please keep us in your prayers that God allows us to be accepted.

I can tell this adoption process will include a lot of "hurry up and wait".  Here is a perfect scripture that a friend sent to me in a card recently:

"These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." Habakkuk 2:3

We hope to have more information to share with you soon.

Love & hugs,
Brenda

Encouraging Words

"The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." Psalm 34:10

6 days until our orientation!  I've printed a bunch of pictures and purchased everything I need to make a scrapbook.  After our orientation, I will be making a scrapbook of our lives.  Some pictures include baby pictures of Mike & I, our parents, grandparents and a few other family members, vacations, Mike playing soccer, us fishing & camping, me during the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk, our animals, and some holiday pictures.  I'm holding off on putting it together now, because they may give us some other ideas and/or parameters about the scrapbook.  When the birth mothers review our "Dear Birth Mom letter", they'll also review our scrapbook. 

Have a blessed day!
Brenda

Getting Educated

Hello All,
We learned more information about another adoption avenue over the past week.  It is adopting through the County of San Diego.  I spoke with 2 people that adopted through the county and they had good outcomes.  The pros are:  there is minimal cost to adopt, the county pays $450/month and medical insurance until the child is considered an adult, all adoption and parenting classes are free and a county worker would be assigned to the adopting couple or person (no run-around).  This all sounded like a better direction for us; however, we've talked about it more and did our homework.  The cons are:  the county is persistent on placing an older child into adoptive families homes, the wait time for a newborn is about double the time than at Adoption Center of San Diego and they don't always work as closely with the birth moms, if at all, to find out more about their background, addictions and medical history.  Adoption Center of San Diego requires all birth moms to take a support group class bi-weekly so the birth-moms can learn from counselors and their peers about the adoption process, their emotions and more.

Needless to say, we've decided to continue on the path we began with Adoption Center of San Diego.  We now have 9 days until our orientation (but who's counting).  The 17th is when the ball begins to roll.  Mike & I have already decided that our office will become the nursery and we plan on moving our office into the guest room.  Sorry future guests, our couch will be the new guest room, but the plus it that the television is nice and the refrigerator is closer.  :o)   This may show my eagerness...I made my 1st purchase for the unknown baby.  Jammies--not a good picture and it's a bit wrinkled, but mom made me promise to post a picture (love you mom!!)...

Have a wonderful week and we'll be in touch soon.

Lots of hugs and love,
Brenda

Our orientation is about 2 weeks away and we're learning so much from so many people.  I had no idea how many people have adopted family members.  It's amazing!  We are extrememly blessed that we have such caring and helpful family and friends.  We've received an abundace of phone calls, e-mails and texts communicating the shared excitement.

We have decided that we're not going to pre-choose a boy or girl, because if we were having a baby naturally we wouldn't have the choice.  So, we'll all be surprised together.

God is really smiling down on us and I couldn't be any more blessed right now.  I think back to a few weeks ago when I was feeling sad and defeated, but God heard my prayers.

Thank you for all your kind comments and most of all your prayers!

Dear loved ones,
We want to share some exciting news with all of you, but calling everyone would take weeks.  So, we decided that a blog would be a fun way to keep our close friends and family abreast of our adventure.  After much discussion, we decided to take a leap of faith by adopt a newborn baby.  The wheels just began and the process will take 6-12 months.  The adoption center we decided to go through is Adoption Center of San Diego.  Our orientation is on August 17th; it will be 3 hours with 5 other couples.  During this time we will learn more about the adoption process, be able to ask questions, learn about the laws, find out what open adoption is and more. 

Here is what we know now:

• All adoptions through Adoption Center of San Diego are "open adoptions".  If you're curious to learn more about this, then you can ask me or check out their website.  Their link is to the right.
• The birth mother will be the one to choose us.
• We will need family and friends to complete a referral sheet, so if anyone would like to help us out please let me know.
• The baby we adopt will be from a birth mother in the San Diego area.

We pray that God will have His hand in this entire process and that WE ALL can be a blessing to the child that God chooses for us.

Love and hugs!